Often I hear those closest to me as well as clients make statements like, “you must always be so calm” “you probably never lose your temper” “your kids are probably so emotionally regulated because of your reaction”….. Embodying the “part” of a therapist comes with this notion that you never deter off the path that you carefully help your most vulnerable and traumatized clients navigate each day because “how would a therapist ever yell, have a nervous breakdown, people please, shame themself or someone else or act in a way that compromised their beliefs/values…?” I am here to live up to this reverse hype. I have experienced all of these things, and then some in my life and those that personify the idea that therapists DO NOT display these paradoxical behaviors is out of touch or lying to themselves. The cracks in ones “being” emerge often without warning or understanding. A reaction to something that feels blown out of proportion or over-the-top often is tied to a belief one has or a “trigger” that has gone unresolved or processed. A disturbing event, loss, argument, injustice, illness or confrontation can blow up in your face, hijack your nervous system and send your on a ride through the caverns of your emotions all in one swoop. I. have. been. there…..more than you know. Proceed with caution if “advice” is shoved at you to take in how to “handle” these moments. A therapist’s job is to lead you to your own answers. Lived experience, cracks and all, is the bread and butter of therapy. It’s not the cliche’ walk a mile in your shoes to know song and dance, but maybe some glimmers of that story make their way in. Of course, training, evidence-based modalities and empathy/understanding serve as necessities for ethical practice, but what about the component of therapists recognizing and understanding their own short-comings, faults and not-so-therapist-like moments in life as a bridge (maybe a semi-broken, unstable, high-up drawbridge) to their clients. Therapists should know the art of not projecting this onto their clients but using it as the wood planks to build a strong bridge both the client and therapist can stand on. Allowing a therapist to hold the mirror up without taking it personally gives a client curiosity without judgement. Now that I’ve “released” all of that, I should note that therapists that openly relay on AI strike me as paradoxical in a way that negates the authenticity and humanness we strive to embody all along….but that’s for another blog. ~ Erin
